


Just Visiting

by orphan_account



Series: Free Parking (Self-Proclaimed) [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Asgore is a tyrant, Male Frisk (Undertale), Toriel ain’t okay in the head, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Papyrus ain’t so bad, Underfell Sans (Undertale), they just got it rough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23416255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “ya ain’t me.”“never said you were. ya mind leaving my shirt alone now? i kinda have to get home before pap notices i’m missing and cancels spaghetti night.”Red doesn’t let go, snarling.And as if on cue, there’s an explosion upstairs that sends his nonexistent guts reeling, even when he knows what’s happened. There’s only one thing that could be.“ah shi-“
Series: Free Parking (Self-Proclaimed) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684234
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. Lock and Load

**  
  
I **

* * *

  
When the skeleton first appears, Red wants to call quits on the whole thing.

The machine was one fucking headache. He didn’t really remember the exact functions of the machine, but he knew how to build it. It started off as an innocent way to get away from daily life and Boss, but had turned into an obsessive, compulsive need to finish the damn thing.

And so he had. With the scarce resources, the process was a lot more slow than he was willing to admit, but Red thinks he’s done a pretty good job at assembling the final model. Activating it was one thing, and when nothing happened, he’d almost glared the damn thing into oblivion.

Nah, he didn’t destroy it. There was too much sweat and marrow spilled over the hunk of metal and he didn’t want a repeat of that. For what, Red didn’t know. 

He’s half asleep when he lumbers down the stairs in his usual way every morning and finds a strange skeleton sitting on his couch like he owned the place. That has his eye-lights focus, magic on the ready as he tenses in case there’s an attack.

Well, that was putting it a lil’ too hard. The guy looked just as rattled as he was for a slight second, if not more. Yet, he was lazing around on one end of the dirty couch, but Red didn’t really care much about that. He was more shocked at how this guy managed to make it past his brother’s magic defenses in the first place and into their house.

Shit didn’t look like much. A sissy, probably barely out of stripes. No collar, by the looks of things. A blue hoodie that seemed to have seen far more than what it’s wearer revealed, but Red wasn’t counting on that little detail. The dump was a nice place like that.

Black shorts on an unmarked frame, and pink fucking slippers. He snorts to himself. Definitely a sissy.

What he couldn’t get past was the teeth. He thought he’d seen the strangest things already, but heh, he’d been wrong. They were white, straight, and set in the corniest grin he’d ever laid eye-lights upon. Not too different from the way his own facial structure was, now that he thinks about it, but his mouth was a little more flexible that way. Boss had a permanent grimace on his jaws - kind of similar to this skeleton’s?

Red narrows his eye-sockets the best he can. He doesn’t particularly care about that either. 

He’s only got one pressing question, and that’s got more to do with the fact that there’s a skeleton other than Boss and himself on their couch, and the guy isn’t saying anything except staring at him like he’s from another planet.

Yeah, yeah. He’s a sight, he knows, but he doesn’t think he looks that bad. Probably the gold tooth that caught the guy off-guard.

“who th’ fuck are ya?”

Silence. Then-

“i could say the same ‘bout you, buddy.”

It surprises him that he isn’t that pissed off at that comment. But the rage is still simmering below the surface.

“some nerve ye got, punk. ain’t yer place to ask the questions.”

“i don’t have nerves last i checked. must be my figurative guts.”

“hilarious. i don’t got time for this shit either.”

The skeleton grins lazily from where he sits, completely unfazed by the fact that Red’s left eye-socket is flaring a deep red. “ya sure about that, pal? ‘cause i speak fluent lazy, and that just sounds like another way to get another nap in before breakfast.”

Red scowls at the verbal attack and feels a little affronted, but there isn’t any pause as he grabs the skeleton with his blue magic and throws him up against the nearest wall with a snarl. “how the fuck didja even get in?”

“heh, kinky. didn’t think i’d ever be into this kinda thing.”

What the hell did he mean? He understood the meaning just fine, but the structure of the sentence that had been thrown forward was strange.

Red throws him down, teeth bared. “fuckin’ sicko.”

“that’s all you, bud. i don’t think you need help in that department.”

Alright, that’s it.

He pulls the skeleton into a confrontation and CHECK’s him, all while the other grins at him in that stupid way.

Red rolls his eye-lights. Useless piece of-

What he sees next has his eye-lights shoot to pinpricks, then disappear into oblivion.

**SANS** **ATK** 1 **DEF** 1

_ The easiest enemy. _

_ Can only deal 1 damage. _

“hey, chill out, bucko. aren’t you the sleet-est bit curious about this?”

This... _glitch_. Was talking. Was still grinning.

“who the actual fuck are ye?” he roars loudly, ending the encounter before it could begin, but he grabs the offending skeleton by the shirt. “from which hell did ya even spawn from?”

“jeez, man. that’s harsh. i wouldn’t call my universe hell. plus, we don’t spawn-“

Red knows this evasion tactic pretty well. Because it’s the same one he uses every single day of his damn life. 

But he doesn’t call the skeleton out on his bullshit. He instead frowns at the choice of words in that stream of stupidity.

“th’ hell do ye mean by ‘your’ universe?” He’s getting an idea he doesn’t like.

The skeleton blinks, as if realizing something. “buddy, you built the machine. pretty sure you build something after knowing what it does. how did you even read the schematics?”

Red isn’t an idiot, and connects the dots instantly. He’d studied ontology at some point and still has the textbooks and notes, so he understands the multiple universe theory. It would explain a few things, but that’s all it was - a theory. And even then, it still makes no sense to him at first.

“yer a dirty liar. i dun’ know ‘bout how ye know ‘bout the metal stack, but-“

“check’s don’t lie, sans,” he insists, grin roughing around the edges. “you aren’t stupid. c’mon, i know you’ve understood what’s going on here.”

He knows what this guy - what this Sans is insinuating. But it sounds fucking ridiculous. This pansy isn’t-

“ya ain’t me.”

“never said you were. ya mind leaving my shirt alone now? i kinda have to get home before pap notices i’m missing and cancels spaghetti night.”

He doesn’t let go, snarling. 

And as if on cue, there’s an explosion upstairs that sends his nonexistent guts reeling, even when he knows what’s happened. There’s only one thing that could be.

“ah shi-“

  
  


* * *

** II **

* * *

“hey, c’mon man. i’m a version of you. maybe letting me sit would go a long way.”

Red snorts, snickering lightly. Naive idiot. 

“listen, blue asshole. that ain’t got nothin’ on me. i don’t give a fuck if yer sans the second or the goddamn king. yer inside my house, an’ yer free exp. so start talking and i just might decide not to kill you.” He steps forward and clasps the shock collar around his neck, the one Boss used for him on bad days, and sets it up to the second-highest setting. 

It also blocked blinking, something Red wasn’t sure would be useful in this situation, but is wary enough to consider it. If this was really his alternate doppelgänger or whatever, blinking should be a common ability.

Sans the Second is silent, expression unreadable. Red’s dragged him to their basement-esque garage near their house, and the only thing the guy has done since he was bound and secured in the holding cell was make puns. Really stupid puns.

Red rolls his eyes-lights. Knock-knock jokes were where the real humor was at.

The skeleton coughs, making his attention snap back to him. “i’m sans. sans the skeleton. but you already knew that.”

Red watches his every move, even as he squirms under his gaze. Intimidation was a process, and this guy didn’t seem to be the least bit affected by it.

“do ya have ketchup?” Sans the Second questions, eye-lights still mere pinpricks. 

He doesn’t respond, only stares at him with what he knows is a glowering intensity. He would start talking soon enough, if he realizes that Red isn’t being provoked. It takes all of his willpower to prevent his jaws from fucking it up by questioning what the hell the asshole would need the fruity concoction for. 

The other grins wider. “heh. you don’t wanna talk, do you? chili out, man. pretty sure it’s healthy to b-ranch out a little.”

Heh. Red is only an inch away from stabbing a bone into the skeleton’s soul, and yet, he wouldn’t know by his poker face. That was pretty funny, though.

Sans the Second doesn’t make any more attempts at conversation after a few minutes, and Red’s patience wears about as thin as a dusting of snow.

So he slams the guy up against the wall using blue magic again, eyes ablaze. Boss would be disappointed.

“alright, bastard, ye had your fun. now talk, or yer about as dead as a door nail.”

“mustard up the courage to kill me yet? can’t say i’m particularly shell-shocked by that.”

The threat never seems to settle in on the skeleton, and it pisses him of to no end. He wants to kill him right there, but Boss’s voice tells him otherwise. “Get the information before killing an assailant,” he would have said. “And get the marrow off the floors. It’s unhygienic.”

The floor was clean, upon Boss’s insistence that the prisoners should have a hygienic capture and holding. The walls were brick, but despite his brother’s best efforts, the paint was peeling off at some points, none close to where the skeleton was bound, obviously. They didn’t have the cash to get more paint, much to Boss’s dismay, but Red hadn’t really cared. It was just a prisoner. They didn’t have rights.

“welp, you seem to know nothing about what you’ve built and destroyed,” the skeleton muses suddenly from where he is, as he attempts to lower himself down with the intent to sit. Red doesn’t let go of him.

That was dangerous territory, talking about things he didn’t know. But his curiosity wins out in the end, and he picks at his teeth with his fifth phalange in thought. “go on.”

“what you built was a universe-traveling device. i bet you know what the interior and exterior looks like, but you don’t seem to know what it does. typically, each universe has a set area code of sorts, which you type in and it shows you the name if the universe you’ve selected, then latches on to the nearest being that is the most similar to you and brings them over.”

“hol’ up, what?”

“normally, that would be the case. if you knew the codes,” the skeleton goes on, making him glare at him, “but you evidently don’t. so the machine just latched on to the nearest universe after being activated and that’s how i’m here in the first place. i’ve had experience with this kind of thing, since i’ve been to all kinds of universes like this. but usually, the creator of the machine knew what was going on and could send me back, no problem.”

Red blinks. Then laughs with a jeer. “so what, I need ta send ya back?”

“you brought me here, pal.”

Red smirks. “hey, there ain’t any universe rule stoppin’ me from spillin’ yer marrow over my boss’s floors.”

Sans the Second shrugs. “yeah, no probs. just that the multiverse gets imbalanced and since I’m from the original universe, could potentially end with multiple glitches and catastrophes in your universe and other universes around, leading to a chain reaction erasing everything.” He grins up at Red. 

Red knows the bastard’s won this round.

There’s still the ace, though.

“yeah, but dun’ fuckin’ expect me ta play nice just ‘cuz ye come from a wuss universe where everyone’s probably smiley and happy and friends with each other.”

The other shrugs. “not hellfire, if you catch my drift.”

He just sneers and lets go of the blue magic, suddenly feeling the strain of holding up the skeleton for that long. Then he makes a move to leave once he makes sure the binding is in place and the floor is still clean.

“wait, you’re gonna leave me here?”

Red smiles, nasty and all-teeth. “sure. yer still a prisoner, sansy. don’t even try escapin’. if the electricity doesn’t kill ya, the magic around the perimeter will.” He makes sure to smirk at the skeleton’s black eye-sockets.

“sweet dreams, asshole.”

Then he heads off back to the house to find himself his mustard stash. Hell knows that he’s no use without his breakfast, anyway. His sentry job could be put on hold for an hour or two. Boss had a meeting today and wouldn’t stop by at his usual time.

Red grins as he pours the yellow liquid straight into his maw. He was sure having a great time.

  
  


* * *

**III**

* * *

The entire ordeal involving the alternate-universe skeleton has completely slipped his mind by the time he slumps on his sentry station, eye-sockets drooping like they always did around this time. He’s more concerned about why Lesser Dog is in front of his station, teeth bared.

“Yer lucky the Captain ain’t seein’ this.”

“heh, yer lucky too.”

“He’d kill ya. Maybe leave some for us. We do more than you ever do, useless trash.”

Red opens an eye-socket, lazy and unbothered. “i’d watch my words if i were ya, pal.”

The Lesser Dog stands, triumphant. “There ain’t much ya can do about it, asshole. What ya gonna do?”

Red sits up suddenly, eye flaring red, grin wide. “maybe look behind you for starters.”

“Yeah, yeah, nice try, asshole-“

“PERHAPS GAINING A LESSON IN SITUATIONAL AWARENESS COULD DO YOU A BETTER JOB THAN JUST A REPRIMAND, SENTRY. FURTHERMORE, I DON’T RECALL THIS BEING YOUR SENTRY SPOT AT ALL.” Boss stands behind him, arms crossed across his black armor. Lesser Dog’s face goes white, quite comical on a dog.

“WOULD YOU LIKE A REMINDER FOR NEXT TIME, DOG?”

“N-n-no, Captain. I was- I was just-“

“PERHAPS YOU DO. IN MANNERS AS WELL. THAT WOULD DO A LOT OF GOOD, DON’T YOU THINK?”

“I-It won’t happen a-again, Captain.”

“NO,” Boss agrees. “IT WON’T. UNDYNE WILL BE PLEASED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS - SHE HAS BEEN QUITE ANTSY FOR SOME ACTION THESE DAYS.”

“No!- I mean- I-I’m sorry, Captain.”

“ARE YOU, REALLY? THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU HAVE BEEN OFF YOUR ROUNDS. CORRECTION IS NECESSARY FOR THE FUTURE, I BELIEVE, SINCE A WARNING IS NOT ENOUGH.” A mass of sharpened bones gather near and above his head, expression angrier. “GET BACK. BEFORE I ACCIDENTALLY KILL YOU.”

The Dog runs off, howling, just as Boss turns around to face him.

“YOU ARE INDEED LUCKY I SHOWED UP WHEN I DID,” he huffs, brushing off imaginary dust from his armor.

“yeah, boss. yer so cool.”

“THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS DOES NOT RESORT TO SUCH LOWLY ADJECTIVES, WHELP.”

“oh yeah, i forgot.” Red looks up at his brother. “how was the meeting?”

Captain Papyrus looks around, bones brandished in case an attacker was nearby. Upon seeing no one, he dispels the attack and steps towards his station. “UNDYNE AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT ALL SENTRIES MUST WEAR THE DELTA-RUNE BADGES FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES. THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY CASES INVOLVING THE MAIMING OF SEVERAL ROYAL GUARD MEMBERS IN SOME PLACES AROUND THE CAPITAL AND IN HOTLAND AS WELL. GET YOUR BADGE READY FOR TOMORROW.”

“alright, boss.”

“I HAD ALSO EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU THAT IF ANY OF THE SENTRIES WERE SHOWING ANY SIGNS OF MISCONDUCT, YOU SHOULD CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THE CHANCE.”

“nothin’ happened, boss.” Frankly, Red had been a little insulted at the thought that Boss didn’t think he could hold himself up. Sometimes, Boss forgot who the older one was. “you work on your training.”

His brother doesn’t seem to know what to say to that, so he doesn’t respond. 

“UNDYNE WILL BE EXPECTING ME BACK SHORTLY,” Boss mutters gruffly, eye-sockets narrowed. “DON’T FUCKING FALL ASLEEP WHILE I’M GONE.”

“can do, boss.” 

“WHY THE F- WHELP, PICK UP YOUR GODFORAKEN MUSTARD BOTTLES BEFORE I DECIDE TO THROW YOU AND THEM OUT!”

“yes, boss.”

“WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING THERE?” he roars. “GET TO WORK!”

-

Boss was in a pretty good mood by the looks of things, Red decides as he strolls into Grillby’s a few hours later. Good for him, so far. Undyne wasn’t the most pleasant person to have around for extended amounts of time, as much as Boss denied it for her sake, so there was that to worry about.

Heh. It was fine.

The bar is packed, monsters giving him hateful looks as he walks by, all their expressions the very face of wrath. He dutifully ignores all of them as he grabs a seat, raising a hand to catch Grillby’s attention.

“the usual, grillbz.”

The flaming monster leans forward, expression twisted into a sneer. “Pay your damn tab first, and I might just allow you to sit here.”

Red shrugs, completely unfazed. “c’mon, grillbz. ya need a change from all them regularly payin’ folks. i’m glad to do that for ya.”

“Another PJ, as always. Tell me, how much do you owe me as of today?”

“if you do the math, which i can’t,” Red starts, “i’d pro’lly go with whatever’s in your blue book.”

“Yes, yes,” Grillby agrees, swiping a cloth over the table. “And when is all that due?”

“whenever i come next,” Red says, smirking. The monster rolls his eyes before turning around to pick up a yellow bottle. “This is the last time. Bring the cash or I might not be so nice anymore.”

“whatevs. add the alcohol to my tab too.”

“Been there, done that. I haven’t got a t-shirt because you won’t pay up.”

“tch, hilarious, pal. smokin’ hot.”

The look he gets is scathing despite the fact that Grillby’s head is an orange-purple flame, which makes him want to go on. 

“ya look steamed, buddy. want some?” He waves the bottle around for emphasis. 

“No.”

“heh, ya look like someone who’s met their match. pff-“

“Get out of my bar, Sans.”

  
  


* * *

**IV**

* * *

Yeah, it’s been a good day. Red had sold some hotcats (and almost gotten looted, stupid kids) and had a decent drink without starting a bar fight. Pretty cool.

The sky goes dark just as he makes his way back to the house, wondering what Boss was up to today. Sure enough, he’s in the kitchen, and the scent of cheese wafts around the entire living room like the snowfall in their town. Which is to say, it is absolutely unbearable.

“WHERE IS MY LADLE, SANS?”

“dun’ know, bro. you can search for it ladle-r -“

He can see Boss pinch his nose ridge and let out an audible sigh from where he stands in the doorway of the kitchen, which is downright hilarious. 

“THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.” Shaking his head, he mutters, “I SHALL FETCH IT,” before opening the front door and walking right out of the house.

Red isn’t concerned at all until a few seconds later when it hits him.

“ah, shi-“

The phone rings from across the couch on the table, and he gets up to grab it. “‘ello, boss.”

“GET YOUR FUCKING ASS TO THE BASEMENT. RIGHT. NOW.”


	2. Target Acquired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again, heh heh. As usual, don’t be afraid to comment down below on what y’all think about this thing.

**I**

* * *

There’s no way Boss is going to stand some otherworldly explanation, so the truth wasn’t quite an option. Neither was saying that Sans the Second was an outsider; Red still hasn’t given up on the idea of kiling the guy, but Boss wouldn’t be so accommodating once that fact was established and the lines were blurred.

There’s no excuse of sorts this time. 

Unless-

“i kept ‘im’ere for double-checkin’, bro. he’s a cousin. from hotland.” Hs phalanges are crossed behind his back.

Boss’s eyebrow ridges shoot up a few inches, almost comically. “I WAS NOT AWARE WE HAD EXTENDED FAMILY, SANS.”

“yeah- well, me neither, heh heh. see, even he’s got a sans font.”

“YOU DO NOT LIE VERY WELL, SANS, BUT AS IT IS,” and Red winces internally at that, “THIS SKELETON IS HARMLESS ENOUGH FOR THE STORY TO BE IMMEDIATELY CONFIRMED AS QUESTIONABLE. HIS LV IS EXTRAORDINARILY LOW, WHICH LEADS ME TO WONDER...”

Boss turns around to face the offending skeleton, who’s grin seems a little strained. Red holds up his middle phalange. Fuckin’ asshole better be grateful for that save.

“HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO SURVIVE WITHOUT LV, WITHOUT EXP, WITHOUT ANY KIND OF AID IN THAT REGARD?”

Red could have mistaken the question to be said in a cold tone, but he could hear the genuine curiosity and astonishment buried underneath. Papyrus had been that kind of skeleton once upon a time, one who found the slightest action of punching someone a downright criminal offense. Someone who had beat the system, in his eye-lights at least, would obviously be a person of interest.

Ah, shi-

“heh, funny you asked. staying hidden for so long wasn’t so easy,” Sans the Second starts, voice flat and blank. “and you know hotland.”

He’s playing along. Pretty good.

Boss’s eye-lights narrow. “AND JUST WHERE DID YOU STAY HIDDEN FOR HOWEVER LONG YOU DID? YOU LOOK ABOUT SANS’S AGE, IF NOT YOUNGER.“ In Red’s opinion, Sans the Second looked like a babybones who hit a growth spurt too early, but he doesn’t voice his opinion.

The skeleton shakes his head, smile still stretched thin. “it wouldn’t be a hiding place if i told you anything, would it?” He tilts his head to the left slightly. “i don’t think staying here is gonna be so comfortable.”

“AND YOU WOULD HAVE NOT BEEN A PART OF THE FIRST MONSTERS-AND-HUMAN WAR.”

“nope.”

Papyrus looks deep in thought. “BUT NONE OF THAT EXPLAINS HOW YOU MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO SNOWDIN WITHOUT SO MUCH OF A SCAR OR TWO.”

“i knew a shortcut,” Sans the Second says and winks. Boss doesn’t look convinced at all.

“IF YOU ARE A SPY, I WON’T HESITATE TO CUT YOU UP.” XP Hunters, spies, and gang members were all dangerous when it came down to it, but spies were more sneaky. This did resemble the kind of setup used to catch a spy, Red realizes, rolling his eye-lights. 

“not a spy. just sans the skeleton.”

“YOU ALSO HAVE A SANS FONT,” Boss muses, his grimace deepening. While no history books had survived long enough to tell their tales in the librarby, it wasn’t considered likely that a skeleton would share the same font with another. However, there was no other explanation in this case. Red doesn’t voice his opinion. “HMPH. WELL, WE CAN DEAL WITH THIS TOMORROW. COME ALONG, SANS.”

“yeah, i’ll just make sure his bonds are secure, bro,” he responds, waving an arm in dismissal. 

Sans the Second’s eye-sockets go dark the minute Papyrus turns around, leaving only Red to see it happen. When the door to the basement slams shut, Red speaks, voice low. “you’re lucky i ain’t busted ya yet. boss ain’t the forgiving type.”

“you have to send me back.”

“heh,” Red leans forward, peering over the steel bars and the magic perimeter. “ya ain’t in any position to make demands, pal.”

“you’re jeopardizing the multiverse, keeping me here like this. your world has officially gone off-script.” Sans the Second attempts to lean a little closer, but he doesn’t have much success. “he was never supposed to know about me. sanses are the only ones who can go off-script without having an effect on the world.”

“when th’ fuck didja tell me that, huh?”

“better question, buddy - why the fuck don’t you know anything?” His voice gets a little louder. “you built the goddamn machine. the schematics are complicated enough that even if i had a few days, explaining the concept would be next to impossible and welp, i’m too lazy. plus, the sanses usually aren’t this stupid.”

“the fuck did ya just call me?”

“they know their shit. what i can’t get is how you even built it in the first place.”

Red growls. In a flash, the collar gets activated. Sans the Second hisses in pain as the electricity sets in. The collar wouldn’t kill him, of course, but the electricity dosage was high enough to lower his HP down to a point or two.

“don’t piss me off, bastard.”

All he gets is a chuckle, weak in tone, but it has its effect. “buddy, you really think torturing me is gonna cover up the truth? can’t say i’m shocked.”

In hindsight, Red agrees with the guy, as much as he hates to admit it at all. He didn’t know what he’d started with, didn’t really run any tests or read into what he was building. He just did it because it, in the end, was something to do besides get yelled at for sleeping at his sentry station.

Like hell he would say that, though.

“talk.”

Perhaps getting an idea of what he was supposed to know could end up helping in easing the situation. 

The skeleton chuckles, eye-lights nowhere in sight. “nah, not really.”

“thought you wanted to get home.” 

“yeah, but,” he shrugs the best he could with his arms held up and bound in cuffs, “the operator is a jerk.”

“shove off. you tellin’ the truth ‘bout the whole universe-glitching thing?”

“heh heh. now you’re concerned.” He’s grinning some more now, head held up higher than it had been earlier.

“shut the fuck up, punk. if yer plannin’ on gettin’ home, talk.”

“i might just stay to watch your shitshow. it’s hilarious.”

Red knows this is gonna be a mindless pursuit, so he stops, but doesn’t ease his scowl. “i’m late for dinner, so ya get it easy this time.”

Sans the Second grins again, wider. “easy? being in your presence is difficult, pal.”

He ignores it and stalks back home, slamming the door to the basement on his way out. There’s something else he needs to do before he tries anything else.

  
  


* * *

**II**

* * *

“the royal fuckin’ scientist.”

“The s-sentry.”

“alphys.”

“Sans the s-skeleton. To w-what do I owe-owe the pl-pleasure?”

Formalities for the cameras. Such a bitch in truth.

Red wouldn’t be here this morning if he had a choice in the matter, but he doesn’t. There’s no way he can face Sans the Second again without anything again. Boss had been angry enough about him being late for dinner despite the repeated warnings.

He looks back at the yellow lizard, trying to decide if this was a bad idea or absolutely terrible. 

Her glasses were weird ones with the squiggly lines over them, probably fulfilling some purpose he wasn’t aware of yet partly because they looked like shit and probably weren’t there to improve her looks. Her posture was hunched, all from sitting over a desk all day, and her eyebrows were knit together in suspicion. Her claws tapped the table’s surface, is a surprisingly rhythmic way.

The Royal Scientist. Alphys.

On good days, he couldn’t stand the lizard. On bad days, he’d threatened to end it all with a sharp bone construct.

Today must be absolutely divine.

“nothin’. i ain’t here ‘cuz i wanna be.”

“And y-yet, y-you still s-sit here.” She leans forward, glasses catching the light in some strange way. “A-After what ha-happened l-last time, y-you have s-some g-guts.”

“i’m a skeleton, alph. ain’t got any of those,” Red says easily, grin stretching wider at her visible discomfort. “you know that one, don’t’cha?”

She doesn’t respond, taking in a shaky breath and looking away towards her desk’s surface.

The room is a pristine white, enough to hurt Red’s eye-lights to the point where the only place he can look without destroying them would be the lizard in question. Metal contraptions gleam in the rooms behind glass walls. The desk below his own phalanges is clean, books stacked in a neat tower, laptop shut and pens in their cases. Only a box of unfinished noodles sits near Alphys, who’s seemingly forgotten about them entirely. 

It’s a far cry from what his own workroom looks like, like comparing a ridiculous topaz to a marble. One of them was easy to manage and wouldn’t burn eyes.

One also didn’t have the constant supervision to prevent further ‘incidents’.

But he isn’t here at the Labs for a mental comparison. 

“so tell me, smart gal,” he leans back in his own chair, which squeaks under his weight, “what do ya know ‘bout alternate dimensions?”

Her eyes snap back to him, wide. “W-What do you m-mean?”

“heh. ya know exactly what.”

He isn’t gonna tell her about his visitor. That would be akin to suicide, since she’d run to the King like a good little labrat would with the news that his tyranny could expand over worlds, only if he gave her that sweet, sweet recognition and those rights to monster experimentation. All for the King, of course, nothing about personal satisfaction and insanity fuel.

It makes him sick.

“W-why should I sh-show y-you any-anything?” She’s glaring now, arms crossed per her white uniform. 

“why not?”

“You tr-tried to k-kill m-me! I-In c-cold b-lood!” she yells indignantly, looking incredulous. “Why sh-should I h-help you?”

“alph, alph, alph,” he grins. “it’s been two years since then. relax.” Not like much changed since then, but she doesn’t need to know how his fists are clenched under the table.

“R-R-Relax?!”

“c’mon. ya wouldn’t want another splinter.”

“Y-you’re threatening m-me?! I-I’m u-under Royal P-Protection! Y-You can’t e-even lay a h-hand on m-me!”

Red raises his phalanges in surrender. “chill out, alph. the stutter gets worse with all that.” He smirks. “an’ we both know that shit was called for. wouldn’t want yer... secret gettin’ out, would we?”

Alphys stiffens at that, and immediately looks away. Good.

She would be editing that out of the footage, he knows. 

“we’ve agreed, eh?” He closes his eye-sockets. “so. ya gonna say somethin’?”

“You’re a-a f-fucking h-hypocrite, S-Sans,” she says finally, voice weak. But he isn’t fooled by that. He knows how Alphys goes from playing the victim to a deranged mad scientist in a flash.

“nah. that’s all you.”

A glare. But it’s resigned.

“I could kill y-you. R-Right here. N-No one w-would know.”

“don’t give me that, alph. we both know ye ain’t stupid. or suicidal.”

Alphys knows she wouldn’t last against him. She’s seen what he can do up close, after all - the only witness to that show, one of its kind.

She looks contemplative as she answers, staring at her laptop like she was wishing she could continue watching whatever she had been watching when he’d walked in. Red figured it was another horror flick, with all the deleted graphic scenes included. 

“I-I don’t h-have reason to bel-believe they exist. The r-research h-has... interesting r-results, however.”

His eyebrow ridges shoot up. “how so?”

She spares a glance his way before continuing. “Nothing y-you w-would understand, y-you b-bastard. J-ust fl-fluctuations in g-graphs.”

“nah, go on. i know my shit.” Mocking. He’s good at that. He closes his eye sockets again, and opens one, dark. “i should know. i was there, right behind that desk before ya ever were outta yer internship.”

Silence. After a few seconds, she purses her lips and gets up to grab something from her drawers.

Yeah, he reckons it’s hard to believe at first. The laziest skeleton on the planet? Having had worked for the King? 

But then it slowly starts to make sense. How he was still alive with his shitty health. How he magically popped up in Snowdin one day, with nothing but his wits and his brother. How he strategically built a house out of the rubble.

H̴̳̖̐͟o̵ͩ̿̇ͫẁ͈̦̫̬ ͓͔ͯ̌ͧẗ́͊̈́ͨ͌h̵͓͙̊̀e̡̙̞͓̿r͖͖̅͟ͅȅ̴͙͂̏ ̶̖̝̀̋w̺̉̀͊̄a͔҉͂̈́ͦs͍̤͒ͯ͜ ̟̜͕ͩ̂s͖͎͓ͮͨo̮̤̿̄͝m̖̫ͬ̏̒e̵͊ͩ͒̉o̵͉̻͒͟n̴̪̮̫̉ȅ̫̘̳̳ ̺͛͆͆̈e̴̲ͥͣ͜ļ̞͍̫̆s̔̉͂͟͠é͙̲̓͞ ̢̹͒̓͡b̫̻̝̉̚e͇ͤͦ҉͛f̸ͧ͋̄ͩȍ̺̗̙̈r̵̊̓̂̈eͨ̐̒ͭͤ ̀̒̉ͨ҉ť͒́̒̚h̵̶̰̠͛e̵̜͕̞ͮ ̹͖̔ͭ̚l͈̟͂̂͠î̜͚̙̣z͇̳ͨ͡͡a͙͊̄͠͡r̪͖̋͐ͥd́̇̉̔̓ ̸͚͌ͣ͠e̔̑̓͟͠v̦̍̔̾͐e̛̫̮̩͌ṛ̟͉̾͢ ̳͌́́͜s̮̳̭̺̪h̜̀ͬ͂͘o͓͕̒͊ͧw͉̔́͆͞eͫ̀̒̀͞d̩̤ͪ̍̚ ̜̺̕͢͞ṵ͈͂́ͅp̸̝ͬ̄̒,̵ͫ͛̌̕ ̡͑̆ͥͮm̮͍̫̬̽ạ̵̡̇ͦd҉͎͞҉ͨe̟̗̽͊̉ ̴̅ͣͣ̈́o̷̍̏͛́f̤̳ͯ́͋ ̰̰̫̒͒bones.

Alphys knows this. She had been suspicious ever since he’d appeared in her lab, screaming obscenities about how she didn’t deserve it and nearly slit her throat.

They’re past that now, Red thinks. Probably.

It’s also why he’s untouchable. It’s why she agrees to give him what he wants.

“H-here.”

She’s handed him a folder, yellowed and stained with what looks like coffee. He flicks it open, sliding out papers that had obviously been written years ago, graphs that had been recorded back when she was a newbie.

Red isn’t surprised. The multiple-dimensions theory isn’t new, it never had been.

There’s some old papers at the back of the folder that are empty. He swears he sees their yellowed surfaces flicker suddenly, which sends a mild pulse of pain through his skull. 

_Focus_.

“T-This is the e-earliest research on-on this t-topic,” Alphys begins, following his movements. “Ontology i-isn’t st-studied much a-anymore, b-but back wh-when it was, th-the Core w-was the b-biggest ad-advancement in that f-field.”

_ Liar. Poser. Replacement. _

He silences that stupid voice in his head. “yeah, yeah. get to the damn point.”

Alphys shoots an irritated look at him, mixed with quiet rage. “W-we w-were studying the-the movement. Of s-subatomic p-particles. Th-the scanner un-uncovered something t-that resembled c-code. H-However, it a an e-erratic m-movement, unlike a-anything we’ve e-ver seen.”

“ah. that’s what you’ve put in the graphs.”

“N-no shit.”

Red barks out a laugh at how utterly flat that response was, before turning back to examine the graphs. 

He senses something about this information as familiar, something he’s seen before, something he’s dabbled in already, far too much to be healthy-

Fucking _migraines_.

That’s also another reason for why he never liked coming here in the first place.

“so, what’s the verdict?”

“T-this... t-this m-movement was t-too e-erratic to a-accurately map. B-but we c-can tell i-it’s a-almost like the ch-chemical c-composition of a s-solid. Th-the particles a-are mostly t-tightly p-packed, f-far too m-much to be n-natural. L-like the... th-this code is i-in s-some kind of b-box.”

He frowns. “so ya think the universes surround ours?” That lined up with what Sans the Second had been saying. 

She nods, once. Twice. “E-Essentially. B-but t-that’s a theory. W-We don’t h-have s-solid p-proof. Th-the graphs d-don’t prove much - that c-could just be w-what the universe actually i-is.”

Heh. If only she knew.

So his machine did indeed pull him out from his universe, Red realizes. This guy’s universe was their universe’s neighbor or something?

Welp. That was all the proof he needed. His own existence was officially fucked up and screwed with.

“aight. nice meetin’ ya, alph.”

“I d-don’t share t-the senti-sentiment.” Alphys replies without missing a beat, still glaring at him.

“oh yeah. and if i find out ya stalk me...” he beams. “i’m gonna have a great time. capiche?”

She understands what he means. She nods tightly. 

Red just winks as he blinks away back outside his house, spitting on the snow in disgust. The office had smelled like fucking disinfectant mixed with rotten eggs and garbage.

“fuckin’ bitch.”

  
  


* * *

** III **

* * *

“I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY UNDYNE INSISTS ON THIS- THIS RITUAL, WHATEVER IT IS,” Boss looks around angrily, glaring at the closest person, which happened to be Red in all his glory.

“APPARENTLY, I MUST BE PUNCHED IN THE VERTEBRAE EVERYTIME I GO OVER TO HER BASE IN WATERFALL.”

“heh. ya tried punching her back?”

“OF COURSE I HAVE,” Boss sounds affronted at that, offended. “SHE THOUGHT I WAS ATTACKING HER AND WANTED TO KILL HER SO I COULD BECOME THE FIRST-IN COMMAND. WHAT SHE FAILS TO UNDERTAND IS THAT I WOULDN’T WISH THAT ON HER AT ALL, MUCH THE OPPOSITE.”

Red raises an eyebrow ridge. This was new. “i thought you wanted all that power, boss. what the hell happened to that, bro? undyne ain’t invincible.” 

The first time he’d joined the Guard, Boss had been insistent on the fact that he would lead it one day. These months, he’d never mentioned it again.

“SHE IS MY ALLY, SANS,” and he looks angry. “I DO NOT NEED YOUR INECESSANT REMINDER THAT ANY SORT OF ALLY IS A LIABILITY.”

“incessant?” Red leans forward, eye-lights sharp pinpricks. “bro, ya would be dead if i ‘allied’ with the assholes in this town.”

“SHE IS NOT EVEN FROM SNOWDIN. FURTHERMORE, UNDYNE IS A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT, AS AM I.”

Red knows how deep their ‘allying’ lies. He knows how they would die for each other, if not in battle. 

It’s a liability. It would get them both killed. However, even if he doesn’t approve of his chummy behavior with the fish, he can’t deny how good of a team they are. Maybe that’s just Red, his own tendency to work alone despite everything.

Maybe he’s just being practical and logical about things. Papyrus didn’t have the best track record when it came to all that when he was younger.

But that was then, and he’s changed. As has Red.

“i’m aware, boss,” he says instead. “just warnin’ ya. lookin’ out for ya an’ all that jazz.”

“I CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS MYSELF, SANS. I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF JUDGING MONSTERS ON MY OWN.” He looks back down at Red, eye-lights narrowed. “YOU SEEM TO FALLING BACK ON THAT REGARD, HOWEVER.”

“what?”

“THAT SKELETON IN THE TORTURE AND HOLDING BASEMENT. I SENSE HE IS NOT WHO HE SAYS HE IS.” Red groans internally. Of course that was gong to be brought up now. “WHY IS HE HERE, SANS?”

“he’s here cuz i found him in the woods a few days ago, tha’s why.”

“YOU SOUND TOO SURE.”

“because that’s exactly what happened.” He sighs, trying to think of how to support the lie and passing it off as one of exasperation. “ya know, bro, he’s harmless. a daisy. like ya said yesterday.”

“THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN MUCH. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW HE IS THE WAY HE IS. THE MOST PLAUSIBLE IDEA IS THE ONE HE HAS GIVEN US, BUT IT SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. THEN,” he looks towards the kitchen for a brief moment, “THERE IS ALSO THE QUESTION OF HOW HE HAS THE SAME FONT AS YOU DO.”

“dunno, boss. answer can’t be too menacing.”

“HM. WHAT SHALL WE CALL HIM?”

He snorts. “ya want my opinion? call him asshole.”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY PROFANITY AND NAME-CALLING, SANS.” He frowns, probably in thought.

Then Red has an idea.

“we can call him comic. full name’s comic sans.”

Papyrus nods in approval. “ACCEPTABLE. LET HIM KNOW TODAY. WE WILL DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH HIM ONCE I FINISH MY REPORTS AND TURN THEM IN.” 

“sure, bro. what are ya gonna write that with?”

“YOU ARE GRINNING FAR TOO MUCH. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT-“

“i have a penne if ya want,” and he snickers. 

“GET OUT, SANS.”

“heh heh- boss, au ravioli-“

“GET. OUT.”

  
  


* * *

** IV **

* * *

The cell is dimly lit enough to make him get a strange sense of foreboding, almost like there’s something else lurking in the shadows.

Comic looks around with little success, considering the way the cuffs had been placed and the bonds tied. His arms felt like they were about to detach from his body any minute, and the situation down south with his legs wasn’t very different. He couldn’t completely sit down, since that was pulling on the cuffs holding his hands, but he could only crouch.

There were only a few universes which Comic had deemed as dangerous so far, and this one was going right to the bottom of that list. 

Comic didn’t think he’d be in for another universe-traveling expedition, but here he was. Last week, he’d met the Sans from Lusttale, who’d been even more accommodating than what was supposedly the closest universe to his own. He’d sent him back immediately, with a quilt for both him and Papyrus. Sweet deal.

Underfell. He hadn’t thought it would be like this back then. 

His own counterpart was another issue. 

The skeleton sighed, closing his eye-sockets. When he opened them again, his left flared blue and yellow.

He might as well sit properly first. Removing the cuffs for a while wouldn’t hurt.

Sure enough, they slid off without complaint under his telekinesis. The way he did it was simple - the collar only detected a certain amount of dispelled magic, and anything below that was not considered. So, he just used the smallest amount of magic possible to break the chains holding up the cuffs. 

Comic sat there, cuffed hands in front of him now, as he tried to think.

Papyrus would be really mad by now back home.

**Author's Note:**

> All I’m doin’ these days is leaving unfinished projects in a blazing trail behind me. Heh.
> 
> Welcome aboard, if you’re sticking around. We’ll finish this lot, chill out.


End file.
